I am writing this from Iowa, where I've been almost a week since I made an emergency visit. You see, my mother is slipping away and preparing to transition on. She has been in an assisted living facility with dementia for over three years now but last weekend she had a mild stroke. So her physical body is shutting down. She's been under the care of Hospice for over a month or so as well.
If you have never had the experience of the loving care of Hospice services, I can tell you that they are a such a gift for anyone experiencing the loss of a loved one. Since I know that this is not "the end," I don't think of it as a loss exactly, and even so, the experience is still emotionally draining at times.
My main goal is to bring joy to my mom's last days here and keep her comfortable. Hospice provides many tools in which to keep her physical body comfortable but it is the human element that they provide that is making all the difference in this transitional time: the countless volunteers who sit and talk to her when I'm not around, the visits from the nursing team, the spiritual counselor, and the social worker who arranged for me to get a guitar so I can play and sing for my mom, amongst other things. Imagine a world where we all had this kind of care whenever we were sick!
In this joy ride of transitioning, we've had some laughs along the way so far. My mom loves beer but due to her health, it's been at least over 3 years since she'd had any. The Hospice team provides little sponges on sticks that one can dip into different liquids to wet the patient's mouth and provide some liquid nourishment. So I asked about the beer and they said, "Absolutely give her what she loves!" So we got a six-pack! :-) While she's not chugging it down, she was so delighted and filled with joy at the taste of that beer!
Yesterday was also another joyful day. Hospice has a music therapist who came over with her guitar and songbooks in hand. When she learned that I loved to sing, we ended up singing together beautiful duets next to my mom's bed for over an hour. My uncle came in about half way through and added his humorous musical talent of real-life story lyrics to famous songs. While my mom kept her eyes closed during the jam session, she was smiling all the way through it. And we were laughing and feeling good, too!
Later, as I was reflecting on our day, I couldn't help but remind myself that this is how it's meant to be. Life is supposed to be fun. It is all about joy and love and that doesn't stop when one is the middle of "dying." Since I know in my soul that this is not the end for my mom, I use the word "dying" loosely. I prefer to say she's transitioning. So while she makes her way, I'm intending joyful, peaceful, comfortable and happy times. In fact, I'm intending that after she goes, too.
Now where's that beer?
8 comments:
The guitar and the beer are my favorite parts! Well, that and your embracement of the transitioning process. And the hospice workers! God bless the hospice workers!
Sending good thoughts your way, my friend. :)
Ah, Barbara! Such beautiful gifts of love and memories for you and your mother. :) It makes my heart *sing*, too (no guitar, though...)!!!
Many blessings,
Nancy
Enjoyed my visit here. I have recently been through many of the same life changing experiences. Sharing my writing such as you have done here has been an therapeutic journey. Keep writing.
Hey Barbara! I just read this.... what a cool story. And yes, I have nothing but the highest regard and deep appreciation for hospice care. My mom transitioned 5 years ago and the caring that they provide to the patient (and the families) are amazing!
What a great thing for your Mom! How wonderful to be surrounded by all the love joy laughs music... and beer! Way to go! LiterallY!
Thanks for sharing this and all good things to you! See you over at GVU!
Julie
Great Article, and blog :)
I would love it if you checked out my latest article:11 Reasons Never To Give UP, and feel free to share with the links on the bottom of the page if you like it! I will return the favors! Looking forward to networking with you :)
It's been a few months since your post on visiting your mother after her stroke. My father 'passed on' two weeks ago at 86. He was also experiencing dementia and was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. He didn't seem able to recognize my mother for the last two months and wasn't particularly present for several months before that. I sort of imagined he'd pass since February, but it took longer.
A few weeks ago an acquaintance suggested to my mother that she let my father know it was okay to let go. At first this was difficult for my mother to consider, but she finally did it. She got into bed with him (he slept in a different room) and cuddled up to him and told him it was okay to let go. He didn't give any sign he understood what my mother was saying to him, but after that he refused to take any food and less than a week later he passed peacefully in bed on morning.
I've been imagining my Dad has been mostly on 'the other side' for the last few months and even though he didn't give physical signs of recognition, I was able to feel closer to his spirit than I felt before he got sick. Now that he's not in his body I feel a love for him that wasn't easy to feel most of my life. It's a little too soon to tell how I'll feel as time passes, but it's my intention to keep these loving feelings and let them grow.
Whatever your mother's current situation, I hope you're able to feel the love of your mother's spirit and feel her feeling your love.
Bob
www.askthecouncil.com
Thank you, Jeannette, Nancy, John, Julie, Loomis and Bob! I know I haven't posted here since mid-July. My mother passed on the next day after I wrote this post. While I've been "living life," I just haven't been compelled to write on this blog.
It was a very easy transition and I was playing the guitar, looked away, asked her a question, and she had moved on.
I thought maybe I'd write about it next (which may be why I haven't posted) but I haven't felt inspired to write about it yet.
So just today I decided that I'm going to write another post about something totally different. Stay tuned...
I appreciate your comments and for sharing your own personal stories here as well.
Warmly,
Barbara
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